Hired help
by FeralRaziel
Summary: Kratos hires another videogame character to help him out with the hard puzzles and do some grunt work! This is a God of WarLegacy of Kain crossover. plz be R
1. Chapter 1

Hired Help

The following is a fan-fiction! (duh) I'm not sure where to put this: under Legacy of Kain or God of War…Anyway, I will figure out how to work chapters. This should prove entertaining!

Kratos had just read his script for God of War. He was going to need some help. Nobody would help him, he thought, he's the Ghost of Sparta. He frightened someone poor smuck into putting up fliers for hired help around Athens for him anyway. The date the journey was set to begin drew near, and no one came. Kratos heaved a heavy sigh and eventually turned the Village Oracle for some advice. The Village Oracle is aptly called so for being the oracle of a nameless, yet still horrible, village. She really had no name Kratos knew (or cared) of. But, he had to call her something since he would confuse her with the Oracle of Athens. Kratos just called her Lady. She went with it.

Lady suggested they convince the game developers to hold try outs through as many developers as would listen. Kratos took this advice. Lady bribed the Sony boys by telling them that their game would be the best in a long time and they wouldn't want to upset the stars of it. The Sony boys nodded thoughtfully, and glanced at Kratos. The Spartan warrior glared at them wrathfully and made throat slitting motions toward them. They promptly agreed.

**Help Wanted**

**Kratos, The Ghost of Sparta, requests a companion for his journey**

**To kill ARES! The God of War.**

**The requirements are as listed:**

**Must be able to fend off hoards of giant mythical creatures that**

**eat people because they feel like it.**

**Must be able to put aside whatever pride/dignity is owned and**

**OBEY KRATOS**

**Don't ask too many questions and Kratos won't ask**

**too many questions.**

**! Must be intelligent and have experience in solving puzzles that are**

**both deliberately set and nature's obstacles!**

It had been hours and only goofballs had shown up; things that spoke in high squeaky voices, things that couldn't hit something if they had been given the power of Zeus, or couldn't find their way out of an open cardboard box.

"What is that on your face, sir." Lady was asking a short guy in a red cap. "Its'a my mustache!" he said. "Does it give you power or something, and that's why its so outrageous?" she asked sarcastically. "Well, a little bit'a…" "NEXT!" Kratos shouted.

"Okay, Link. That looks like a trusty sword you have there. Ever done any life threatening puzzles, my boy?" Lady asked a green capped lad. "I've done plenty! My own life was but a meaningless puddle to that of Princess Zelda's!" Link said. "Oh, you save princesses too, do you?" Lady looked back at Kratos, who said, "There is a large glowing bug floating by your head. Clearly you are blind, and not fit for my needs." "No this is a fairy, silly! She helps me on my righteous quests to…" "NEXT!"

"What are you?" were the appalled words that managed to escape Kratos' lips when something pointy and blue blurred up to the table. "I'm a hedgehog, what's it to you?" It said. "I've never seen a hedgehog with eyes half as big as its face." Lady said. "I've never seen a crone with more leather on her bones then a cow." Said the hedgehog. "What the Hades is a hedgehog?" Kratos wondered as Lady bashed the beloved icon, Sonic, upside the head with her cane.

"Well, sir, you look quite capable of doing all the things required. But would you do what Kratos asks of you no matter what?" Lady asked a tall, broad shouldered, bronze vampire with long white hair. "What? Hell no. If anything he would do what I said. I don't know what's going on, I just followed that kid and his glowing bug." He said. Kratos glared at him. "Yes, Link. Kratos doesn't do fairies, I'm afraid." Lady shook her head. "Neither do I. This is why I smeared it into the floor after I drank the kid…" The vampire said casually. He got up and walked away.

A few stragglers came and were dismissed. "Too bad that vampire was so full of himself." Kratos said. "And that soul-eating man with the strange arm…with a name like Nightmare you'd think he'd be smarter then a wet rock, but I suppose not." They both sighed. That was when a skeletal thing meandered up to them. "Hello," it said with a smooth voice, shocking for its appearance. "Heard about your problem. Perhaps I could offer some insight."

After a moment of staring at it, Lady shuffled some papers and asked, "Well, then, what is your name?" "Raziel. R-A-Z-I-E-L." it spelled when she looked at it inquisitively. Come on, its Ancient Greece, I don't think the alphabet was the same. "& what is your occupation?" she asked. "I'm a wraith…The SoulReaver, specifically. Devour the souls of the living and the lost and all that jazz. Came around from the Edios guys, they weren't doing anything with me at the moment." Raziel said. Its voice dipped to a low that confirmed it was a 'he' if not already inferred. "You look a bit frail though, dear." Lady said. "I could break you with my knee." Kratos added helpfully.

"Well of course I look frail, I've died twice…that is, counting the only traumatic deaths. Once I died as a human and then Kain killed me as a vampire. I'm immortal you see." Raziel said. Kratos nodded and thoughtfully rubbed his goatee, but said, "Vampire? You know that white haired vampire? I didn't like him." "Join the club, my friend. He raised me as a vampire and had the audacity to kill me after I served him a thousand years. How do you like that?" Raziel said crossing his arms across the tabard on what was left of his chest. "What about the puzzle credentials?" Lady asked hopefully. "Oh God, don't get me started. I can deal with anything, just don't make me push boxes, please. & the obedience to Kratos, is it? You look like a reasonable fellow, I'm sure I won't have a fit if given a direction here and there."

Kratos and Lady glanced at one another. "You're hired." Kratos said.


	2. the Hydra

Thanks for being humored, people -FeralRaziel

So soon thereafter the job started. Kratos and Raziel boarded a boat to Athens. Of course, Kratos brought a couple of women. But Raziel, deciding to wait until he had known Kratos longer, made no attempt to bitch him out about it. The wraith merely sat on the deck, eyeing the statue of Athena interestedly. But he could only be so interested; he'd never been on a boat before. Then it started raining.

Soon after, the boat was slammed against a larger boat and Kratos came flying up on deck. The Spartan glanced at the wraith fleetingly and leapt up onto the other boat. There were splintering sounds among the roaring water. Raziel sat for a bit and figured to go after him.

He meandered through the carnage and death and stopped to look at things here and there. He couldn't help but to appreciate a change of scenery…that was until a giant sea serpent slammed him into the siding with its head. The wood shattered and Raziel found he'd taken a shortcut into the hull.

The wraith looked up, disgruntled, to find Kratos looking down at him. There was a long pause. "What?" Raziel asked defensively.

After much zombie soldier slaughter, they came to the deck of a boat with people running around in circles of fear. A fat man with a key around his neck ran up to Kratos. "Do something Ghost of Sparta, before…!" He was cut off when two serpents burst through opposite sides of the deck and started devouring people.

Raziel was going to laugh, but just then a gigantic sea serpent rose out of the rolling waves. This monstrosity was taller than the mast. It swooped down and gulped up the fat man.

"Didn't we need that key?" Raziel asked.

"The beast must die!" Kratos said and started up the rope towards the crow's nest.

"…Yeah, you take care of that." Raziel said. The smaller Hydra's were snapping at him. He immediately noted the hooks used to move boxes being conveniently placed above their heads. The wraith brought both of them crashing down with a motion of his hands. The serpents squirmed and writhed, but were hopelessly impaled.

Raziel sat on one hook, above a writhing Hydra, and thanked the death of his brother Turel for his telekinetic abilities. "You know, you remind me of another brother of mine." He said into the creature's gills before watching the small dot that was Kratos battle the gigantic Hydra.

Eventually the Spartan somehow managed to get the creature to impale its own little brain on the broken mast of the ship. Its mangled head slid all the way down and came to a rest on the planks of the deck.

To Raziel's surprise, Kratos went to walk into the wide-open maw of the dead Hydra. "You, you're coming with me." He said pointing to the SoulReaver. "That's okay, really." "Just in case!" Kratos shouted.

So there they were, standing in inches of Hydra saliva. "Thank the gods, you came back to save me!" the fat man said. "I didn't come back for you." Kratos said as he yanked on the key around the man's neck. "But…! No!" And the man fell to his untimely death.

Raziel's mouth would've hung open if he had one. "You just killed that guy." He managed to say. "Can't handle that?" Kratos asked as he grabbed the wraith's arm to lead him out of the hydra's mouth.

"Its just that…I didn't think you worked that way is all. Its your quest, kill whomever you please." Raziel shrugged. Kratos gave him a 'That's damn straight' look. They made their way back to their boat and Raziel stayed up top again.


	3. Awkwardness, Minotaurs and Medusa

Note I don't have a flawless memory (or my grades would be better) so some Puzzles or Dialogue may be off a little bit. And also! Sometimes I mix up what happened before what else happened. soooo...yeah.

w00t! Better than the last chapter, I think

When the boat docked, Raziel had stopped caring about new surroundings. Kratos came on deck and commenced conversation with the statue…oddly enough. When the statue spoke back, Raziel guessed that made it okay.

"Come." Kratos nodded to the wraith. Razzy couldn't help but think of an order given to a dog. Sopping wet the unlikely pair stepped onto the pier. "Can I say something to you?" Raziel asked. Kratos made a motion with his eyes that was assumed to be a go-ahead. "You realize I'm not wearing pants for a reason right? Or should I say…lack…of a reason." There was a pause, but it wasn't as uncomfortable as it could have been. "Yes…and?"

"Could you try to be a little more discreet about your encounters in the future?" Raziel asked, searching for proper words. "What do you mean by that?" Kratos snapped as they continued up a scaffold.

"Let me count for you than. 1: There was only one chamber on that boat to begin with. 2: It was occupied by two naked women and 3: It was raining, and thundering and I had my claws in my ears but it didn't block out the noise, you see."

"Oh. Fine." Was all Kratos said, void of any emotion. Raziel shrugged; at least he didn't get broken over the Spartan's knee. Two Athenian guards came zipping toward them and were violently stopped by two huge Minotaurs, wielding weapons much like giant meat tenderizers.

"You really weren't kidding about the hordes of man-eating beasts, were you?" Raziel remarked as the Minotaurs head toward Kratos. He figured he'd better kill something and pull his weight or he may end up stranded. As Kratos grabbed the first Minotaur by the horns, Raziel leapt on the back of the second.

It was none to pleased by this and flailed its grotesque arms about for a bit. It regained itself enough to grab its weapon and struck at the wraith. Muscle was sloughed off Raziel's arm and he issued an inaudible curse. But the Minotaur struck again and Razz slipped off its back in time to hear its skull cave in under the force of its own blow.

Striking blindly at your own head with a large hammer will inevitably not turn out how you wanted. "I was going to do that, but whatever suits your fancy." Raziel said as he kicked its corpse curiously. The scaffold rattled as Kratos knocked his Minotaur on its back.

'_There is no way he can kill it like that._' Raziel thought amazedly. Kratos was literally wrestling with the thing, forcing the point of his unique blades slowly, but surely enough, into its mouth. Kratos swiftly knocked the Minotaurs arms away and stabbed it in the back of the throat. The last of its kicks died away as the thing drowned in its blood.

Kratos casually strolled onward. Raziel warily followed him. He was disturbed by the thought of having to fight things worse than that and in much larger numbers. …But then again, if they were all that incredibly dim witted, it might be a little bit easier. Raziel knew from experience that easy was not the direction in which things tend to progress.

They had been weaving in and out of brightly lit hallways and the wet, gray outside. In this hallway, however they came upon (and almost fell in) a large room. It contained stacks of boxes. Kratos looked them thoughtfully as Raziel shuddered in painful and hateful recollection.

Soon Kratos was standing on the highest stack he could reach and angrily eyeing a stack that he could not. "There isn't even another door asides the one we came through." He noted in a huff. "Perhaps there is." Raziel said, sitting cross-legged at the entrance. "They like to hide them." This comment was followed by a long silence. Kratos was standing on a protruding ledge of the stone wall, still glaring at the highest stack of boxes.

That was when Raziel sighed and said. "Hey, Kratos. Look at the ground." "Yes, boxes." The Spartan spat. "One of these things is not like the other." Raziel said, motioning back at the chamber's floor. "So some are crates." Kratos said.

"Can you break these large useless obsidian cubes?" A slight pause and the SoulReaver continued. "Can you smash wooden boxes, Spartan?"

So Kratos broke all the crates, lowering the level of the stacks. A door was revealed and the path to its access was clear. Kratos gave Raziel a hostile look. "That's what you hired me for, isn't it?" Raziel said defensively. Kratos merely grunted and walked on.

Shortly thereafter, there was another room. Although the door was visible, when Kratos stepped upon its hearth the likeness of a woman's face appeared in it. Kratos conversed with her, but Raziel was not paying attention to them really. He didn't care that much, and said attention was drawn by something moving among the crates that were in this room as well.

As the face disappeared from the door something else appeared. What was barely considered a woman slithered out from a dark corner and wrapped her snake of a lower body about the crates. She uttered burst of gurgled hissing assumed to be laughter as the miniature serpents cresting her skull danced voraciously.

"What the hell is that?" Raziel asked. "Weren't you listening?" Kratos asked sharply, as he turned on Raziel. "Ah…I caught something about…something." He said. Kratos huffed and shoved Raziel into the wall as he turned to confront the snake-woman. Raziel glared after him a bit before the door tried to bite him.

The space between the doorframe materialized into something and actually tried to bite him. Raziel assumed this to be Ancient Greece's version of the barriers in Nosgoth that appeared with Shades, Wraiths and Hylden. These had only dissipated when all threats were destroyed.

Suddenly Kratos grabbed Raziel out of his thoughts. The Ghost of Sparta shoved the wraith between him and the piercing gaze of Medusa. "Excuse you!" Raziel exclaimed. Kratos worked around him and the snake-woman's gaze upon his blue comrade became heavier and heavier. "Knock it off." Raziel hissed to Kratos as he realized this serpentine glare can NOT do anything good in large quantities. However, before any further realization, the SoulReaver found himself to be encased in stone.

Raziel saw the snake-woman prepare to strike at him. Then, with limited range of view, Kratos literally tackled her. He couldn't see what happened after that, just a blank stretch of wall. The noises heard, however, left Raziel to imagine what was going on, which was not a good thing. Eventually Kratos stepped into his field of vision with the head of Medusa still dripping in his clutch.

"I may have hired you for a bit of this too." He said, smirking slightly. Raziel summoned the Wraith Reaver imbued with elemental wind, thusly shattering the stone around him. "I can't say it's hard to believe you used me as a shield." He said. "What do you mean 'you can't say'?" Kratos asked, but he was fixated on the Reaver. "Well, I did watch you attack a soldier with another soldier's disembodied arm…" Raziel pointed out, dismissing the Reaver, as it was clearly distracting.

Despite having been staring at it, Kratos asked nothing about it. Then Raziel remembered the portion of the flyer that had said, "_Don't ask too many questions, and Kratos won't ask too many questions._"

"So do you know what we are supposed to be doing here?" Raziel asked. "Speaking to the Oracle of Athens." Kratos replied curtly as the Gates of Athens came into view. The city beyond was being destroyed. Buildings were collapsing, fires were raging, people were screaming. Beautiful. Just beautiful.

Thanks for reading it! The next chapter, we kill some trolls Raziel laughs at Kratos' outcast-edness, and the two deal with the constant bitching of the Oracle as she is hanging from a rope. I've thought that out, it should be rather funny. Again thanks all 3 of you


End file.
